I’ve been thinking that love and sex need rebranding.
I think that this divide is reflected all over the web. What if I want to write about something flirty or sensual? Do I categorize that as sex? What if it has no S-E-X in it—is that misrepresentation? I mean it might not be romantic enough to be considered love.
Love has gotten a bad rap among many circles. It’s practically become a four-letter word in some circles, just like that other four-letter word in other circles. I think that’s largely because of what people associate love with—the negative.
Then we have sex. There’s still some guilt and shame around it, and I think that a lot of it’s just hang-ups from the old days when we didn’t understand how to handle sex and so there were all these restrictions put on it. Now there’s more tolerance but beyond that what about adding something new to our discussions on love and sex, like sensuality?
I think that sensuality can be a bridge between love and sex, adding depth to life as well as our sexual experience. To be sensual you have to be fully present in your body, and we’re fully present when we enjoy something deeply and fully. We’re completely attentive, all our senses there. Attention is a form of love. So, sensuality is a way of enjoying sex more deeply.
Sex without sensuality, to me is just meh. It’s not interesting enough.
Sensuality is a form of love and I’m much more open to explore all manner of kink with someone who knows how to love well. It’s a vibe you can feel and it manifests in sensuality, which comes in all forms, just like love.
I’m not talking about mushy gushy overwhelming stifling love that makes me want to run screaming in the other direction with my invisibility cape on. Of course, some people may like to be overwhelmed—but it’s a vibe that can be intimidating. Sensuality to me involves sensitivity, and for that matter so does love. I think that both, at their purest are extremely intelligent and manifest themselves respectfully in a way that makes for a real good time. Love even laughs at the awkward moments, and when love wants to get a little rough play in, love provides excellent after care.
Love isn’t just for parents and children or sweethearts who are in forever love. Love is a practice that connects us with our full nature, which is everything that we can be—everything! Deeper sex, deeper enjoyment, deeper relaxation.
I think our entire sex culture could benefit a lot from adding some sensuality. To take it a step further, what porn has always been missing to me is love—because that’s where you get the twists and the turns that make sex amazing. The sensuality, that just adds elegance and a delightful ambiance to the entire adventure no matter how kinky.
But it’s the sensuality and the build up to sex that I wish we could start a bigger conversation about—and that really comes to loving life, glorifying sensuality and the art of the tease, being fully present, enjoying every bite of food, examining it with all our senses, replacing shame and fear about our love and sex lives with grace and humor.
It sounds simplistic, but really it starts with self-love. Love is a practice, and the better we become at it, the better everything becomes around us. Some people say you don’t love things but love people only. I think it’s just allowing ourselves to express love about the things we enjoy, to allow ourselves to enjoy life with our full senses is a great start. I absolutely love coconut flan. The way it melts in my mouth. Holy love, I really enjoy it and I don’t enjoy enough of it. ☺
But love still scares some people. So maybe we can start having sensuality categories online where we just embrace our playful, deeply joyful, sensuous natures.
I still think love needs to be rebranded. Love is smart. Love is kind—which is smart. Love is hella cool, and sexy too! You can just feel when someone knows how to love well. It’s elegant, classy, entertaining, vibrant.
I think sex could use some rebranding in this society too. I’d like us to come from a place of confidence in the goodness that is in our nature and create a sex culture that no one else has—give it a class and elegance that is better than it’s ever been.
How shall we begin this wonderful and ambitious adventure?
I have a few ideas. 😉